Hand Fasting and Declaration of Intent
The Nature of Marriage
Lay Chaplain: (couple's first names) you have shared with me your thoughts and hopes and dreams about your marriage, knowing that the commitment you express today in front of your families and friends is an outer expression of a commitment which has been growing between you over these past several years. Today's declaration serves as an official beginning of your own family, to which there will be added other members over the years. Today's ceremony serves as an acknowledgement that the search is over, you have found each other and have discovered and cultivated a love for each other. You have grown to be each other's best friends. Out of this relationship came your decision to choose each other as life mates. You have developed the foundation of your relationship - you will continue to discover things about each other as the years go by, and you will continue to grow in each other's love if you pay attention to each other during all the changes that life brings.
Today's ceremony is a public celebration of your private relationship. It is a time to celebrate and rejoice in your love for each other. After the festivities of this celebration are over, it will be your task to take the ideas and expressions that you have chosen in words and symbols and actions in this, your wedding ceremony and learn how to incorporate that commitment to each other into your daily lives together. You have a lifetime to learn how to do that!
Reading:
Wilfred Arlan Peterson has a few suggestions about how to do this in his piece entitled:
The Art of a Good Marriage
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation
And demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person, it is being the right partner.
May you find strength and the insight and the love to find the ways to sustain your
commitment to each other during the years that lie ahead.
Know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed in this life you have formed ties between each other. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real, the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage.
With full awareness, know that within this circle you are not only declaring your intent to be hand fasted before your friends and family, but you speak that intent also to your creative higher powers.
The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of each soul's growth.
Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?
Yes, we seek to enter
(Six cords or ribbons are needed for the handfasting ceremony.)
I bid you to join hands and look into each other’s eyes.
[Groom's Name], Will you cause her pain?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
[Bride's Name], Will you cause him pain?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?
Yes
And so the binding is made. Join your hands
*First cord is draped across the bride and grooms hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you share his laughter?
Yes
[Groom's Name], Will you share her laughter?
Yes
*To Both*
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Second chord is draped across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you burden him?
I may
Is that you intent?
No
[Groom's Name], Will you burden her?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you share the burdens of each other so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Drape third chord across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], will you share his dreams?
Yes
[Groom's Name], will you share her dreams?
Yes
*To Both*
Will you dream together, to create new realities and hopes?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Drape fourth chord across the couple’s hands*
[Groom's Name], will you cause her anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
[Bride's Name], will you cause him anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
We Will
And so the binding is made.
*Drape fifth chord across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you honour him?
I will
[Groom's Name], Will you honour her?
I will
*To Both*
Will you seek to never give cause to break that honour?
We shall never do so
And so the binding is made.
*Drape sixth chord across the couple’s hands*
*Tie chords together while saying:*
The knots of this binding are not formed by these chords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the chords, for as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.
*Once chords are tied together they are removed and placed on altar*
Lay Chaplain: (couple's first names) you have shared with me your thoughts and hopes and dreams about your marriage, knowing that the commitment you express today in front of your families and friends is an outer expression of a commitment which has been growing between you over these past several years. Today's declaration serves as an official beginning of your own family, to which there will be added other members over the years. Today's ceremony serves as an acknowledgement that the search is over, you have found each other and have discovered and cultivated a love for each other. You have grown to be each other's best friends. Out of this relationship came your decision to choose each other as life mates. You have developed the foundation of your relationship - you will continue to discover things about each other as the years go by, and you will continue to grow in each other's love if you pay attention to each other during all the changes that life brings.
Today's ceremony is a public celebration of your private relationship. It is a time to celebrate and rejoice in your love for each other. After the festivities of this celebration are over, it will be your task to take the ideas and expressions that you have chosen in words and symbols and actions in this, your wedding ceremony and learn how to incorporate that commitment to each other into your daily lives together. You have a lifetime to learn how to do that!
Reading:
Wilfred Arlan Peterson has a few suggestions about how to do this in his piece entitled:
The Art of a Good Marriage
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation
And demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person, it is being the right partner.
May you find strength and the insight and the love to find the ways to sustain your
commitment to each other during the years that lie ahead.
Know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed in this life you have formed ties between each other. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real, the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage.
With full awareness, know that within this circle you are not only declaring your intent to be hand fasted before your friends and family, but you speak that intent also to your creative higher powers.
The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of each soul's growth.
Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?
Yes, we seek to enter
(Six cords or ribbons are needed for the handfasting ceremony.)
I bid you to join hands and look into each other’s eyes.
[Groom's Name], Will you cause her pain?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
[Bride's Name], Will you cause him pain?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?
Yes
And so the binding is made. Join your hands
*First cord is draped across the bride and grooms hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you share his laughter?
Yes
[Groom's Name], Will you share her laughter?
Yes
*To Both*
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Second chord is draped across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you burden him?
I may
Is that you intent?
No
[Groom's Name], Will you burden her?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you share the burdens of each other so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Drape third chord across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], will you share his dreams?
Yes
[Groom's Name], will you share her dreams?
Yes
*To Both*
Will you dream together, to create new realities and hopes?
Yes
And so the binding is made.
*Drape fourth chord across the couple’s hands*
[Groom's Name], will you cause her anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
[Bride's Name], will you cause him anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No
*To Both*
Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
We Will
And so the binding is made.
*Drape fifth chord across the couple’s hands*
[Bride's Name], Will you honour him?
I will
[Groom's Name], Will you honour her?
I will
*To Both*
Will you seek to never give cause to break that honour?
We shall never do so
And so the binding is made.
*Drape sixth chord across the couple’s hands*
*Tie chords together while saying:*
The knots of this binding are not formed by these chords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the chords, for as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.
*Once chords are tied together they are removed and placed on altar*